With this most recent cinematic version of a Roald Dahl book, this time a remake of The Witches, I figure I have two ways to open this review. I can talk about how well-made and beloved the older, 1990 version is, the one that Dahl hated because they changed his ending, or can again wonder what the hell happened to director Robert Zemeckis that he’s doing this sort of thing now.
You know what? I just did both. However, that doesn’t change the fact the new version just dropped onto HBO Max.
Resetting the story in 1960s Alabama, the movie is narrated by Charlie (Chris Rock as an adult), telling the story about how he and his grandmother (Octavia Spencer) took on a convention-full of witches at a fine hotel. Charlie’s grandma knows a lot about witches, particularly since one once turned a childhood friend of hers into a chicken. The witches, led by Anne Hathaway’s Grand High Witch, really hate children and have a plan to turn them all into mice through enchanted chocolate. Charlie (Jahzir Kadeem Bruno), as well as a chubby boy named Bruno (Codie-Lei Eastick) have already been transformed, and Charlie’s own pet mouse Daisy (Kristen Chenoweth) was transformed a year earlier, so can they, working with Charlie’s grandma, stop the witches before they can fulfill their evil plans?
I suppose it goes without saying that this was an entirely unnecessary remake. Recasting the setting to 1960s Alabama, with African American lead characters, isn’t even necessarily a bad thing if the filmmakers are going to somehow do something with that, but aside from a few lines about how witches prefer to prey on the poor, especially black folks, since they are less likely to be missed, not much is done there. When Grandma opts to hide from a local witch at a fancy hotel that, she says, is only for rich white folks and as such the perfect hiding place, hotel manager Mr. Stringer (Stanley Tucci) doesn’t seem to mind in the slightest that his guests are minorities and possibly not wealthy enough to afford their room. It seems like there could have been something done with that, but they didn’t bother.
As it is, I can’t say that there’s anything particularly wrong with the movie so much as it seems rather “meh”. Hathaway seems to be enjoying herself as the portrait of evil, and Spencer can play a wise older woman in her sleep. Tucci’s role is rather thankless, but that could describe most of the movie. And while I am generally loathe to compare a remake to its original since the movie should be allowed to stand on its own merits, the 1990 version used Angelica Huston under a ton of prosthetics and talking mice from Jim Henson’s Creature Shop combined with some truly disturbing moments of children lost in paintings. These mice are straight CGI, and the effects of the fully revealed Grand High Witch just look like some sort of cartoon coming out of the bottom portion of Hathaway’s face. Zemeckis has always been one to push the envelope for special effects, but his work these days seems rather soulless and empty. Despite the fact the main cast seems to be enjoying themselves, the movie itself feels flat and not particularly funny. Some of the humor might work better for kids, but not much for me.
Really, this movie didn’t need to be made, and it’s further proof that Robert Zemeckis is far from his prime.
Grade: C
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