Oh man, where do I start with this one? Some general rambling about how Tom Hanks is everybody’s kindly father figure these days? Wondering once again what happened to Robert Zemeckis’s career as the guy who made some truly beloved movies decades ago is now doing a lot of subpar stuff involving live action/CGI animation hybrids? Bemoaning how Disney has yet again remade one of its classic animated movies as a live action movie no one asked for but many people will end up watching?
How about I start by pointing out this new version is somehow a half hour longer than the original?
To the movie’s credit, as I usually give credit to this sort of thing, with some meta references to how every Disney movie opens with the music from “When You Wish Upon a Star,” a CGI Jiminy Cricket (Jospeh Gordon-Levitt) floats in to act as narrator, interacting a bit with his past self who is going through the actual movie. This sort of general behavior might be rather clever if done right, but it doesn’t really last long as the scene shifts to past Jiminy getting to Geppetto’s (Hanks) workshop where he’s putting the finishing touches on the Pinocchio puppet while the CGI kitten Figaro and CGI goldfish Cleo just watch. Why are these animals CGI? I don’t know. I don’t think either are all that essential to the plot. Neither talk. They’re just there. Anyway, Geppetto makes a heartfelt wish that Pinocchio become a real boy, and in comes the Blue Fairy (Cynthia Erivo) shows up to grant the wish. However, Pinocchio (Benjamin Evan Ainsworth) is still made out wood, but if he can be brave, truthful, and unselfish, he too can become a real boy. Oh, and that righteous cricket can be his at least temporary conscience.
The rest of the story plays out as the original movie did for the most part. Pinocchio is sent off to school but instead joins a puppet show, learns what happens when he lies, and takes a trip to Pleasure Island. There’s a giant whale, and Pinocchio is ultimately a good kid.
OK, so, there are some good things on display here. I liked Pinocchio’s look in that he both resembled the Disney version of the character and appeared to be made out of wood. Hanks and Gordon-Levitt are both good in their respective roles even if it probably isn’t much of a stretch for Hanks, and the music is as good as it always is. Zemeckis, as a director, does know how to utilize special effects for the most part. And…that’s about it, really.
The problem is that at times the movie feels overcrowded, with a talking seagull added for some reason, and the Pleasure Island scene, despite taking away the downright scary transformation Pinocchio’s pal Lampwick has into a donkey, feels like too much is going on. I could probably overlook that to a certain extent, but the movie seems to go out of its way to make Pinocchio as innocent as possible. He doesn’t so much misbehave as find himself in situations where he’s more of an observer to things happening around him. He isn’t setting out to do wrong. It more or less just happens because of the actions of other people around him. Combine that with an ending that is arguably done the way it is to make a sequel, and what’s left is a movie with no real bite. It’s not exactly bad, but I was largely bored by it.
Grade: C-
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